BY DEBORAH NAFULA | GUEST WRITER
It has been a while now… thought of writing you a letter
Hope this finds you all good. God’s grace and love is always upon us so as to see this beautiful day. I know you have been through a lot this past year and we as family, colleagues and friends are always in your thoughts. We also understand life has thrown a lot along your path with those that put your happy muscles at work, laughing and smiling and those that overwhelmed your tear ducts, filling your eyes with tears and your heart with pain. Through all these you kept us in your thoughts.
Dear you, when you were in your darkest days, struggling financially, fighting an illness, losing a loved one, stressed at work, struggling in business, suffering in relationships… the list goes on and on and on… we were in your thoughts and you needed us right there with you.
Dear you, when you were in your brightest days, job promotion, hitting cash jackpot, new baby, wedding, graduation, business success, happy and successful relationships… again the list goes on and on and on… we were in your thoughts and you wanted us right there with you.
Dear you, some of us sincerely didn’t know what you were going through in your life at that moment. When we met talked and laughed you never mentioned a thing because, somehow, it was automatic to you that we should know, aren’t we family and friends, right? Dear you, we are human beings with weaknesses and at times we cannot know what is happening around us. Some of us need to be told as they say ‘hear it from the horse’s mouth’. Not that we hate you or don’t care about you. Before you call us haters some of us were not there for you simply because we sincerely didn’t know, you looked so fine and we couldn’t see what was up with you.
Dear you, some of us were wearing the same shoes you were. As you had lost your job, we were fighting an illness that had taken all our strength, as you were celebrating your graduation, our family had just got a new baby that we could not take our eyes off, as you were celebrating achievements in your business, we were struggling in a failed marriage. This is life, it happens. Dear you not that we hate you or are envious of you. Before you classify us as haters some of us were not there with you because we had no courage to tell you that we were catching the same balls that life had thrown at you. You looked so sad for us to open our mouth and add more pain to you with our happy or sad story. You looked too happy for us to open our mouth and spoil it with our sad story.
Dear you, some of us could not help you as you wished. As you were in dire need of financial support, we were struggling with debts and loans that had left us with nothing not even mentioning it to you, all we could offer was emotional support. We really wanted to dance with you on your wedding day but we had to be at another place with reasons beyond our control and powers, all we could offer was financial support. Dear you not that we don’t love you. Before you put us into the haters column, some of us were not there for you as expected because that was the only way we could hold your hand, to us it was the best we could do.
Dear you, some of us are among the people you looked upon and had great trust in us, but at some point we hurt you so bad and let you down along the way. It is so human to get disappointed and loose trust in us. As you were going through your darkest days or celebrating a big milestone in your life, we opted to keep quiet deeply thinking and trying all the best we could to find a way to approach and tell you how much we are sorry and care about you. Dear you not that we don’t care about you. Before you make our second name haters some of us were not there for you because we were looking for that perfect time when to get back on the right foot and make right everything between us. It is very unfortunate that the perfect time never came when you needed our warm hug the most. It hurt us too, but the perfect time will come.
Dear you, this might surprise you a little but to some of us you are a big threat, your pace of growth is too fast for some of us to catch up and too big that we feel like shadows when with you and at the end we chose to remain in the shadows. That is why we chose to close our eyes to your pain or happiness. Sorry but we are just human and some of us can’t help it. Dear you not that we hate you. Before you fill your heart with rage calling us haters some of us were not there for you simply because we are not bold enough to tell to your face that you intimidate us, the best we can do is to look away and keep it to ourselves no matter your feelings.
Dear you, do you remember the argument we had? And both of us stopped at that with bitter hearts? Some of us held on to that and never moved past it. Both of us never came back together to iron it out and held on to the bitterness which drew us apart from each other. We kept on waiting on each other to see who makes the first move, as days went by, the drift became bigger and both of us lost it. Our feelings too drifted away and we stopped thinking of you. Dear you, whether you call us haters or evil some of us were not there with you because we stepped away from your circle, things to do with you ceased being our thing. The sooner you let us go, the better. This is the bitter truth but again, we are human beings and as much as it hurts, it has some truth human beings are different.
Now, listen to this keenly, Dear you some of us were there with you all through: we held your hands and gave you a shoulder to lean on when that was what you needed, we endured with you the pain and tears and kept vigil with you until we were rest assured that you were fine, we danced alongside you during happy moments, we sacrificed our time and resources to make sure all was well with you. Do you know why? It is because we love you and care a lot about you.
Dear you, so many of us have been there a lot of times. We were so bitter and angry at our friends, family and colleagues, we never stopped to think but our minds ran so quickly to assumptions and judgments. We opted to let out our feelings to everyone in wrong places… throwing quotes and notes here and there…just to mention but a few..
</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">During hard times is when you will know your true friends’…Not everyone is happy about your success’ I don’t care what people say about me, my life my choice’… the list is endless. At the end we lost very special people in our lives simply because we didn’t stop to think.
Dear you all I’m trying to say, we are family, friends and colleagues yes, but we are human beings just like you. Talk to us, ask why we were not there for you and make judgments based on the truth. You might hate your uncle for not attending your graduation yet, you had no idea his family had just lost an unborn baby and he couldn’t share for you were too happy. What if you simply asked and get the chance to listen in which a family tie is saved. And again if you asked and find out he just missed it on purpose, it’s ok you can cut him off your list of favorite family. You made judgments based on the truth and not assumptions.
You call your friend a hater simply because of not contributing towards your project fundraising, little did you know that day he was in a fix with a loan case or you find out he was not interested. Whatever decision you make concerning him, it will be out of truth but not assumptions. It makes a whole lot of difference.
Dear you, I’m writing to simply tell you this: Be proactive; pause and respond based on principles and desired results, love those who love you back, sacrifice your time and resources to those who sacrifice their time and resources for you, dance with those who dance with you, cry with those who cry with you. Strengthen friendship and family bonds with those who will do the same for you.
Dear you, listen, step away from those who have stepped away from you, get out of the circle of those who have gotten out of your circle. Focus on your circle of influence .Save your energy of calling them haters by spending more time appreciating and building bonds with those who have chosen you as their best.
This is from me to you, Dear you.
(The author is a motivational speaker, Founder and CEO of De’mire Modeling Agency in Bungoma.